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  You go back to Clark and, wouldn't you know it? Your favorite parking space in the garage is empty, and there's no broken glass this time. Figuring you'd give your friends one last try before throwing in the towel for the evening, you head over to your best friend's place in Sanford.

  Everyone is there and pizza is on the way. In unison they all cheer "we've been waiting for you!" as your Unavailable Lust Object (ULO) emerges from the crowd smiling seductively. She whispers into your ear "I just love a man who can eat a big Dave's Deluxe..." This just keeps getting better. Friends ask politely for a few fries, one even hands over the $20 you loaned him a year ago.

  By 10:30 you and your ULO are getting restless and she asks in a sultry voice, "Can I see your dorm room?" At least, it sounded seductive to you. When you get back to your room, you're in luck, your roommate has gone home with his parents for the weekend. She's disrobing before you even close the door, revealing a body that would impress Hugh Hefner. She sits you down on the bed, places your right hand on her left breast, and reveals that she's a nymphomaniac, on the pill, and has been saving herself for you. She mounts you from the top and comments favorably on your size.

Turn to Page 33.

Perfect woman (?)