Throughout sex she keeps moaning "I don't mind guys who kiss and tell... Ahh!" You last a solid fifteen minutes (your personal best up till then was about eight). After sex she curls up over the wet spot, and talks about how incredible you were. No past boyfriends are brought up. You get a fantastic night's sleep, and wake up to the breakfast she made before leaving.

 You get out of bed around eleven am and walk to the UC for a mail check. You find a letter from your Biology 101 professor saying he is raising your final grade from a C+ to an A+ because the TA lost your final exam.

 Suddenly you feel very full and satisfied with life at Clark. You made the right decision to come here. This is what college is all about.

As you walk back into Red Square someone screams, "She's gonna jump!" You look up to the top of Jonas Clark and see some chick waving around a little book yelling "This is my life!" She jumps and lands right in front of you, obviously dead, based on the new pancake-like shape of her head. Clutched in her hand you find a copy of a Choose-Your-Own-Clark-Adventure book.