It was always a dream of mine to be able to take students on an "anti-tour" of the University-- "anti" because instead of Admissions' lies, I'd share all the student organization and University history that I had become privy to over the years. Unfortunately, this information, while vital to understanding the current condition of the school, is depressing, lengthy, and somewhat arcane, and there wasn't much demand for it. Undaunted, I used this narrative leg of the book ("the Tour") to take unsuspecting readers on my dream tour.