You walk along footpaths, making random turns, until you find yourself by the back door of a red brick building named Carlson. It looks like it is made out of Legos. You enter, and find yourself in the middle of the Office of Information Systems. There seems to be a commotion. A nice man with grey hair and a fuzzy mustache steps up to greet you. "Hello, sir. Is there anything I can help you with? My name is Vic."^A

 You explain that you're just looking around, and you ask about the chaos. Vic laughs charismatically and explains,
 "See, Banner went down about 20 minutes ago. The system was hit by lightning. We may have lost everything from records of who we admitted last year to Jim Collins' financial reports. I'm waiting for a status report from our new Director, Hal Petersen."

 "Huh? Banner?" You're clueless.

 "Yeah, it's this database interface that's taken 8 years to implement, at an incredible toll on the University's efficiency, personnel sanity, and OIS's human resources. We're going nuts. Over three-quarters of OIS is dedicated to Banner. And it still sucks. Meanwhile, everything else goes to pot."

 Suddenly, a balding man with a scowl strides stressfully up and says to Vic without acknowledging you, "We've got the diagnostics. We managed to save everything but the student accounts."

 "What do you mean? We've lost all trace of student records?!"

 "Not just that. We lost their academic records, too. No big deal. Acceptable losses. Carry on."

 Suddenly, the man turns to you and says, "Hey, are you a student? Get out of here! No students in OIS."^B

 As you fumble for some ID, you ask "No students? Aren't you a student service?"

 "We're a University service. It's the exact opposite." He looks at your ID, and suddenly changes tone. "Very sorry, Mr. President. I didn't recognize you. Please, have a nice day." He strides down the hall, and you see him stop somebody and say coldly, "What are you doing, Dave? This is highly irregular."^C

 You look at your ID. It's a laminated card with the name "Richard P. Traina" and a photo of you. Under your name it says "University President." There's also a green sticker that says "Honorary Meal Plan member."

 Woah. You need to sit down.

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