|WheatBread Issue#9: May 1997|
All pages in breath-saving PDF format.
1. The cover: A poster-size (okay, actual size) version of our famous "Red Heifer" cover, as designed by Brendan Sheehan ('97).
2. Editorials: A three-fer this time: the final Editorial by Randy Mack, plus the introductory Editorials by new editors Macneil Shonle and Zack Ordynans. Not to mention our ever-stylish and moderately-kinky masthead.
3. "The Kitchenette of Contents": Our regular combination of Table of Contents and About the Authors' pages. Good for an overview of the issue, learning about our contributors, and getting behind-the-articles info.
4. Letters to the Editor and How to Read This Issue: Featuring our first (and only) Letter to the Editor, plus our guide to the convenient article-labeling system introduced with this issue (each article was labeled so the reader would know what's serious and what's not). This page also contains a Top Ten list.
5-7. The Year in Review. The wrap-up, summary, and look-back on the 1996-97 school year. Including:
8-9. Cross-Dressing: Incognito at Holy Cross: by Cathy O'Brien ('97) and Zack Ordynans ('98). Holy Cross, through the eyes of Clark's most sarcastic. By the authors of "Trapped! Your Day in the U.C."
10-11. A Modern Proposal: by Randy Mack ('97). A tribute to Jonathan Swift, on the Sophomore Meal Plan fight from last year. Spot the paragraph taken verbatim from Swift's classic essay!
12-13. Professor's Quote Logs: compiled by Macneil Shonle ('00) and Igor Gershenson ('00), from actual quotes by actual professors. Also contains a Top Ten list, and WB's version of the "100 Things To Do at Clark" list.
14. A Teleplay: by Christopher Hagelstein ('87), based on an actual phone call. Also features a fake ad.
15. What Sort of Clarkie Reads WheatBread? text by Macneil Shonle ('00), photography by Naomi Miller ('96). Everyone, especially advertisers, knows what kind of person reads Playboy, dammit, so now everyone gets to know what kind of Clarkie reads WheatBread.
16. A Plague of Do-Nothing-Ness: by Eric Anderson ('98). Also contains two (particularly good) Top Ten lists and a message to Marty Mohr from the mysterious Mr. Berry.
17. Chronicles of Some Class: by Nina Catalano ('00). Also contains a random PSA about ska (written by Cathy O'Brien, not Zack or Sean), and the last "ROC-U Update" by out-going Station Manager Dave Bernstein ('98).
18-19. The WheatBread Spring Fashion Show: text by Shaunna Francis ('00) and Catherine O'Brien ('97) with Jason Berry ('97), design & layout by Jason Berry ('97), photography by Beth Eshelman ('00). Also contains the 95 Downing "Spork Log."
20. Never Mind the Sex Pistols, Here's Bullock: by Jesse Paddock ('00). An inside look at the Bullock dorm legends. Also features "T.S.I.A." by tom gibson ('98), and indeed the title does say it all.
21. Pomp and Circumstance: by Elizabeth Simpson ('98). Also contains the "summer CUFS schedule" (a staff favorite).
22-29. The WheatBread (Unofficial) Arts Section. Including:
30-38. The WB Academic Spree Day. Actual essays written for actual classes, and all entertaining in their own way. Photos of Dr. Not Steve's Unofficial Academic Spree Day Exhibit are throughout (and compiled below). Featuring:
39. Proposed Commencement Speech: by Jason Berry ('97). As submitted to, and rejected by, the Commencement Speaker Selection Committee. The "Director's Edit."
40-41. A Zen Tour of Clark: by Naama Haviv ('00) and Regina Robo ('00). Two stuffed animals take us on a photo tour of Clark's coolest hidden rooms and secret locales.
43. The 1996-97 Distribution of the SAF: courtesy Student Council. The full report on the Budget Committee's allocations last Spring. (The second year in a row WB has scooped the Scarlet on this!)
44. How Many Things Can You Find Wrong With This Picture #94: The last of one of WB's only recurring features (inspiration courtesy Mad Magazine), this time we turn our lens on the U.C. dining hall.