WheatBread Issue#7: October 1996
["Armageddon It" by Def Leppard]Back to the Archives...

A Note on Discrepancies: In addition to photos and articles only available here, most copy editing, graphic design, and layout mistakes have been fixed. Care has been taken to preserve the character of the original. NOTE: WheatBreads #1-#9 are 11x17 in size; WheatBreads #10-present are 8.5x11.

Fall 96 parody issue
click for full issue

All pages in money-saving PDF format.


1. "Council Takes on Racial Problems"
"IDRISI Celebrates 25th Year With Reception"
"President Comments on His Continued Health and New Work-Out Plan"
2. "Corrections"
"The John Balcunas Log"
"The Student Council Observer"
3. "Professor's Work Nominated for Emmy"
"Administrator's Mustache Goes Berserk"
"Clark News Briefs"


4. Editorial: "Don't Know How to Party (Fight for Your Right)"
Letters to the Editor:
"Blame and Responsibility Lie with SPOC"
"Guns Have an Important Role in University Life"
Editorial cartoon
5. "I Believe... by Spinoza"
Letters to the Editor: "SPOC as an Organization"
"The Kate Chesley Manifesto: 'A New Brand of Pretzels'"

News, cont'd

6. "EMT Released for Hypochondria"
"WheatBread Rumored to Shut Down"
""Dr. Spitzfelder's G-Spot Locating Service" (ad)
"Poking Ghost Declared Deceased"
7. "StudCo Fails to Free to Lizard People Despite Student Protests"
"Authorities Baffled Over Weekend Occurance"
The "Abou Fall Fest" ad

Special Section: Behind the IDRISI Project

8. "Professors Break Silence: 'University Run by Aliens'"
"University Denies All; IDRISI Reportedly 'Pissed'"
9. "IDRISI's Top Secret Underground Lab in Sackler"
"The IDRISI Project: Hovercrafts"
10."The Big Picture: IDRISI, Aliens, and All Things Great and Small"
"A Second Look at the 'Goddard Memorial Library'"
12."Students React to Disclosure of Alien Involvement"
13."Photographs Bring Alien Plot, IDRISI Project, and John Balcunas to Light"
Online only! "A Gallery of Previously Suppressed IDRISI Photographs"

Living Arts

14."My Goth! This Fall, Funereal Fashion Meets the Homey Housewife"
"'Fire At Will' Misses Mark with Bad Puns"
15."Fall Preview: Goth Housewives"
"In Defense of 'Fire at Will'"
16."Website of the Week"
"Top Ten Things You Must Believe if You Want to Be a Stoner and Fail Out of School"
Answers to This Week's Crossword Puzzle
17."Updated CCN Schedule"
This Week's Crossword Puzzle
18."Jocko the Dog for President" (ad)
Personals [credits]


19."The Official How-To-Be-Gothic Handbook"
20.aborted Sports page
Online only! Photos of the Ding-Dong Ditching Team in action!